Unbeatable !

THE USE OF EXPRESSIONS CONTAINING THE WORD ‘WINE’ WILL SOON BE BANNED IN FRANCE...

Do you know the expressions "mettre de l’eau dans son vin" (to tone it down) and "recevoir des pots-de-vin" (to receive bribes)?

If you use them often, enjoy it while you can, because you might soon have to stop using them in writing or on any printed materials.

A Measure Inspired by the Recent Spelling Reform The reason behind this restriction comes from associations fighting against alcoholism, heavily supported by the Ministry of Health. "Wine is an alcoholic drink. Therefore, it's a drug. We're ready to use all necessary measures to combat it. And words are part of it," they claim. These associations have decided to ban any expression that alludes to wine in a figurative sense. Soon, you won’t be able to write about having "le vin joyeux" (a cheerful disposition) or that you enjoy "boire le vin jusqu’à la lie" (to go to the bottom of things). "The recent spelling reform made us realize this. Just as the French Academy deemed it wise to remove the circumflex accents to preserve the French language, we believe it's essential to ban any expressions that could encourage drunkenness," explain the presidents of these initiating associations.

Even "pots-de-vin" Will Be Banned! These prohibitions also apply to the term "pot-de-vin" (bribe). This detail has sparked outrage among journalists. "What words will we use to denounce corruption worldwide? It will be hard to avoid repetition now!" lament several investigative reporters. To this, one might be tempted to reply "tip." Indeed, the associations also considered banning words containing the verb "boire" (to drink) but abandoned the idea after realizing there are few such words in French (to their dismay).

“It’s a Major Offense to All Wine Professionals!” What do winemakers think? Florent, owner of a vineyard in Languedoc, is relieved that the word "wine" can still be used. "I would have a hard time promoting my wines using the terms 'chopine' or 'pinard!'” Corinne, a winemaker in Champagne, is deeply shocked by this measure: "It’s a serious infringement on freedom of expression and a real offense to all wine professionals!" Vincent, a winemaker in Burgundy, is somewhat confused. "Since my name contains 'vin,' do I risk penalties if I write it on my website?"

A €50 Fine for Each Word So, what are the risks? The associations, leveraging the Évin Law to support their stance, threaten websites and print media with a €30 fine for each use of the word "wine" outside its primary meaning: "this amount will increase to €500 in cases of excessive use, meaning more than five times in the same article." Determined not to water down their stance, the wine industry lobbies denounce an increasingly absurd oenophobia: "The associations use the Évin Law to give weight to their measure. But have they realized that if we removed the first letter, the Évin Law would be the Vin Law?"

Towards an Évian Law? Slightly embarrassed by these somewhat provocative remarks, the anti-alcoholism associations acknowledge the ambiguity of the situation. "We are considering proposing to the government to change the name of the law, subject to the agreement of the former minister who named it," they admit. If the authorities sided with them, the associations would like the Évin Law to become the Évian Law (not to be confused with the 1962 accords). At least, the message would be clear. Clear as spring water!

In fact, today is April 1st! So, we’d like to say… April Fools’! Everything you’ve just read was meant to make you laugh and should not be taken seriously!